Aack

Happy Birthday

Please join me as I wish the Internet a Happy 35th Birthday!

I know it's hard to believe he (or is it she) is that old, but it's true. The first network was officially created September 2, 1969.

Culturally Biased

In a project proposing a major shift in one of our base applications, the higher-up muckety mucks have the tenacity to put this in their proposal:

Risks:
Cultural bias may negatively impact the success of the project.

So much for sound technical merit and fiscal responsibility. If you won't play ball, you become culturally biased. Sign me up!

No Phishing Allowed

Phishing is what low-life scum buckets do for entertainment and profit. They try to capture enough personal info that will allow them to swan-dive into your bank accounts. Now we have the Anti-Phishing Work Group to document the attempts to steal personal ID.

Personally, I just delete them, but I'm glad someone has the time and gumption to put these messages to good use.

French Twist

"When I grow up I want to be a flaneur", sounds so much better than "When I grow up I want to be a lazy ass, bum."

Using words from other languages can add so much to peoples impression of you, and they'll have not a clue as to what the heck you are saying. The best part is, they're too embarrassed to admit they don't know what you are saying and will wholeheartedly agree to it.

A Lovely Little Ditty

Its not my place to run the train, the whistle I can't blow.
Its not my to say how far the trains allowed to go.
Its not my place to blow off steam, or even clang the bell.
But let the damn thing jump the track, and see who catches hell!

-Unknown.

Doggy Style

In a world where the simple can be misconstrued as devious there exist a fine line between dog toy and marital aid. Living a somewhat sheltered life, I did not know that it existed, but exist it does. Take this little quiz to discover your "naughtiness" (or is it your "doginess") aptitude.

After scoring an 11, 13, and 8 on the three different quizzes, I decided that maybe my life wasn't all that sheltered after all.

Bear Attack

I just found out this afternoon that a friend at church was out sheep hunting and ended up being mauled by a bear. He is in good condition all things considered. He has some scratches, gashes, punctures, and a collapsed lung.

The most serious injury is his knee. According to my sources, it was mangled pretty bad and the doctors aren't sure what the outcome will be. The accident just happened today, so it is unknown what will happen at this point.

The weird thing is, he was out in a remote area, but was able the call for help on his cell phone. God definitely works in strange and mysterious ways.

You're Under Arrest

What do you get when you combine:

One young lady
One pair of hip hugging jeans, and
One pair of high-rise thong underwear?

You get someone who is violating the rules of decent fashion. Sends a shiver up my spine. Go home and have your mom teach you how to dress for success.

Backlog of Links

Some links that I have stumbled upon:

• Photographer's Rights - If you take photos of people, places, and things, then this may be of interest.
• Visicalc Revisted - Fully functional spreadsheet application and only 27K.
• Labia Art - in deference to my friend nomad and his insightful observations.

That's it for now. Joat, from Tok, signing out.

Whoopso

Guess there was nothing wrong with the site...I've just been so occupied in camp that I haven't posted anything and older entries were rolling off the back end.

Mea Culpa

Wake Up Call

While I was driving to Tok (a week and a half ago) I started to get pretty drowsy. I knew I needed to pull over, but I really didn't want to. I was pretty close to getting there, I just needed to punch through the haze and charge my batteries.

Having sworn off caffeine last February, I couldn't rely upon any chemical stimulants to do it for me. So instead, I screamed. That's right, I screamed, for about 5 seconds...initially. That short burst of adrenaline was incredible. I decided that I would scream again, this time I did a gut wrenching, Fay Wray imitation.

I discovered that not only did I feel physically revived, I sorta felt mentally rejuvenated. To quote a friend, "I highly recommend it."

Aaaaahhhh

I just discovered that my pages are discombobulated...and I don't know why! No time to futz with it now, I must go to bed.

Jaws - Bunnified

The latest installment from Angry Alien...Jaws!

On The Road Again

Heading back to Tok. Don't know how long, maybe just a week. The Team left before I was even notified. Makes you feel real appreciated, huh?

i, robot

I was able to hook up with my friend nomad while he is in town and see I, Robot. I very much enjoyed the movie and given the fact that it has been about 20 years (Aack - Twenty Years!!!) since I read the book, I had no book/movie don't mesh issues. In fact, I can't remember the book very much at all. I may have to go back and read Asimov's "Robot Series".

The only real issue I have with the movie is the excessive CGI rendering of the 'bots and their interactions with real life. It wasn't bad, it was actually quite good, but every now and then I would be pulled out of the movie because I could pick out the obvious rendering in whatever scene I happened to be watching.

The one thing I think I miss is a film adaptation of the chase on the slide walks. That would have been a great scene.

I suppose I ought to give it a grade. Let's see, how about using sheep. It's funky, unique, and pretty much all I can think of right now. On a scale of 1 to 5 sheep, I give I, Robot:

Liberal Wing Nut

For your next President, are you in favor of the liberal weiner or the right-wing nut job? Not sure? Don't care? Check out this parody!

In An E-mail Message Today...

"...everything is moving along like Grandpa on prune juice!"

Who's Yo' Daddy!

Today was sorta like laid back-mess around-act like you are doing something productive type of day. I got stuff done, but didn't feel like I was pressured to do any one thing. The big accomplishment was to take the trailer full of dead tree pieces to the dump. Afterwards my wife, oldest daughter, and myself, on a whim, stopped at "Howee's Bayou" for lunch.

Now anyone who has been to Fairbanks knows that fine cuisine can be lacking, and if you know me you know I like spicy food only second to BBQ. So, the thought of spicy BBQ from an offbeat restaurant just really gets me pumped (and as it turns out it probably should have gotten my stomach pumped as well).

We went in and ordered two BBQ beef sandwiches and my wife opted for the BBQ chicken. They are served with one of three sauces - "Mild", "Spicy", and "Who's Yo' Daddy" (properly festooned with flames). Not one to be called a gastronomic coward, I had to order the sandwich with the WYD sauce (mistake one). We then went out to the patio area and I patiently waited for my culinary experience (while simultaneously listening to Cajun music and sipping sweet tea). All in all I was relaxed and enjoying mayself.

Finally, the meals came out and I began to salivate. We asked a blessing on the food, and to this moment, I think that that is the only reason why I'm alive. In reality, the blessing should have been "last rites"!

After saying amen, I picked up a french fry that had a small dab of BBQ sauce on it, and popped it in my mouth. By small dab, I mean the faintest trace, in fact I barely registered that it was there. My tongue, however, called in an immediate three-alarm fire. I knew that things were gonna get pretty bumpy pretty quick.

With some trepidation, I took the first bite of my sandwich and...at this point, I would like to forewarn my scant few readers, that the following will be intensely disturbing to those who are faint of heart. If things of a graphic nature about pain, agony, and self abuse tend to upset you, then I suggest you abort right here and go look at something more congenial to your personality. I shall continue...

As I said, with some trepidation, I took the first bite of my sandwich and began to chew. In mere seconds, my blood pressure jumped 200 points and I swear the top of my head blew clean off. Remember that three-alarm that was called in? My tongue immediately called in backup and escalated things to a five-alarm incident. I had never in my life put something so hot into my mouth. I think I peeled 3 layers of skin off of my cheeks and gums. By now I was committed, but I was questioning my sanity. Who in their right mind would subject themselves to this level of torture? Me, that's who - I kept chewing (like an idiot). By now I had beads of sweat forming on my brow and I started to hiccup.

Hiccupping is a natural response for me when I get into hot food, but I usually drink a few swallows of my beverage of choice, politely burp, and the keep on consuming. Not this time! I pick up my glass and quickly realize that I HAVE ALREADY DRUNK ALL OF MY TEA! Damn, wait there's a little in the bottom. Swallow, swallow, bur...nope...no go, not enough liquid...what now...

OH, MY, GOSH, Joat you FOOL! You just successfully spread that battery acid they call BBQ sauce all around in your mouth with nothing to drink. The tongue ramps it up to a six alarm, and then, out of the corner of my eye, I see that a kid has a bottle of Diet Coke. I reach over grab it out of her hands, and proceed to consume. Belatedly I realize it was my own kid, but any kid would have been fair game, heck, any adult was fair game as well. I took a couple big swigs and let one rip. The hiccups stop, but the pain continued.

About this time, the owner comes out to refill my tea, and I briefly consider asking him to leave the pitcher - I wish I had. (That is the second mistake.) He pours more tea into my glass and asks how I like the sandwich. Me, I put on my best "tastes great" face and mumble something about it being "a little hotter than what I expected". He says something, but I don't hear too well by now. I'm waiting for him to leave so I can pour the tea down my gullet. He leaves and I commence pouring, and then realize - I-Have-Had-Only-One-Freakin'-Bite! I'm in deep kimchee now Kimosabe.

I deliberately put my glass down all the while, my mouth is clamoring for the cool wetness of the ice tea. I mentally snap back, that my mouth is a wimp and that it will do what I say, and I say, take another bite.

It does. I scorch another few layers of skin off my mouth. At this point, I can't really describe the hell I went through trying to eat that damn sandwich. By now, my nose is running, my eyes are running, my forehead is running, and I've lost all motor control in my mouth, hence a stream of drool is running out of my mouth and pooling in my plate.

For whatever reason, I finish my sandwich (mistake number three). This requires me to drink my two big glasses of tea, half a bottle of Diet Coke that belongs to Thing 1, and half of my wife's tea. I also consume all the cole slaw on the table, as well as, as many fries I can shove into my mouth as possible trying to wash away the liquid death. It is at this point that I realize I also have a bunch of ice to suck on. I pop several chunks in my mouth. I have no sensation of coldness. If I didn't know what I had just put in my mouth, I would have said a couple chunks of plastic. I had absolutely no sensation of coldness or wetness. Very eery.

It took me about 20 minutes to eat the sandwich, but in the end I overcame. As we were paying for lunch, the guy that took my money asked how I liked the sandwich. By now I had come to grips with my mouth, we were about down to a two-alarmer, and with all sincerity, I respond, " I don't think I'll be eating that again." Then the guy replies, "I know what you mean. At least today he didn't put the habaneros in." I looked at him funny, half grinned, half cried out in relief, and exited stage right. I'll go back, but I won't torture myself like that again.

BTW, it's been approximately 12 hours and I can still feel stuff mushing around in my stomach - I have a very bad feeling about tomorrow!